Score Update!! Pirates may have won 3-1 after 6 innings!!!

In an apparent attempt to break the monotony of hanging out at home every night, The Little One and The Big One decided to take me to a baseball game.  

Great.  Thanks.

There were a bunch of dogs there.  Huge dogs.  I mean HUGE dogs.  

I didn't have my camera last night, so I had to do a google image search for these monsters.  Here they are:

The one on the right.

The one in front.

In case you forgot what I look like:

Yeah.  It was FAAAAANtastic.

We left the game early, which was fine with me.  But for the entire walk home The Big One kept going on and on about it being the Pirates' "year."

Poor guy.  I hadn't noticed that, in his own little way, by being a Pirates fan, The Big One was sort of a Browns fan.  He's had to deal with easily as many crappy Pirate teams as I have Browns teams.  

Once I realized this, all of my hatred for The Big One's Steeler fanaticism disappeared.  I had a new found respect for him.  

For the rest of the walk home I kept my respectful eyes solidly on The Big One, awaiting his next command, eager to show him I was on his side, while relieving myself every 50 steps or so.

Marf,

Molly

I'm back

So, so sorry for the lack of communication in the last couple months.  You have no idea what it feels like as a Browns fan to watch the Steelers win another Super Bowl.  Now they have 6 Super Bowls, and we still haven't even been to the game.  

I'm just now coming out of my depression.  

I'm chalking all of this up to a learning experience.  No longer will I deal with my grief by relieving myself on The Big One's Steelers jersey.  No longer will I fake like I'm running into traffic just to give The Big One a heart attack.  No longer will I use my shedding powers for evil.

I'm back.  Let's do this.

Marf,

Molly

PS - Over the last couple months, The Big One kept saying that if I kept it up he'd take me to a place where I can be put to sleep.  Not sure what that means, but it sounds relaxing.  I'd be interested in any reviews anyone has about this mysterious bed and breakfast.

Blah, blah, blah, The Super Bowl, blah, blah, blah...

Everyone in this city is just SOOOOOO excited that the Steelers are playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday.  

The Big One keeps asking me if I'm excited for the game.  He keeps asking me if I'm nervous about the Steelers' defense's ability to stop Larry Fitzpatrick, or whatever his name is.  He keeps asking me these things as if I'm a Steeler fan.

Let me tell you what I've been trying to tell him for over a year: I AM A BROWNS FAN.  

I was born in Youngstown, Ohio, right in the middle of Pittsburgh and Cleveland.   Anyone from Youngstown will tell you that half the residents are Pittsburgh fans and the other half are Cleveland fans.  Usually the factor that determines a Youngstowner's football loyalty is what team your father roots for.

Well I never met my father.  My mother told me that he was a pug named Beanie, but that's the only thing I know about him.  So I certainly don't know whether he's a Browns fan or a Steeler fan.  Although I suspect that he was brown, I've found that that isn't a reliable predictor of football team loyalty. 

So without the guidance of my deadbeat father, I turned to my mother, a beagle named Applesauce.   Mom liked the Browns because when she would watch them play on TV, she saw that dogs were not only allowed into the stadium, but a bunch of them had their own seats behind the "endzone."  She said they were called "The Dog Pound," and when the dog catcher catches a dog, and the dog can show that it's a Browns fan, that's where the dog catcher puts them- right in the football stadium, where dogs are free to drink beer, fight with other dogs, and throw batteries at the opposing team in peace.

That's all the information I needed.  I can only imagine where the dog catcher takes Steelers-fan dogs.  Probably to a Pirate game. 

So I'm a Browns fan.   I just need to convince The Big One of that.  If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears (no pun intended).  I'm afraid that until I can get that point across, I'm going to have to wear this every week:

Kill me.

Marf the Steelers,

Molly

Quick Update

I haven't had much chance to update the blog because The Big One has hogged the computer for the last week.  No idea what he's doing, but he seems to be hellbent on disrupting my posting routine.  I won't let it happen.  If he thinks he can stop me from blogging, he is sorely mistaken.  I can do whatever I want whenever I want.  I don't need his approval for anyth- crap, here he comes.  More later.

Marf (whispered),

Molly

Mark my words: I will destroy the Red Dot

You are GOING DOWN, Red Dot.  YOU ARE going down, Red Dot.  You are going down, RED DOT!!!!!

For 10 dog years our apartment has been infiltrated by a random, unpredictable menace.  Though it only shows up when The Big One is holding something he likes to call a "laser pointer," I can't figure out where the hell this thing comes from.

I am apparently the only one who can see it, it is my duty to teach this thing a little lesson.

YOU CANNOT JUST SHOW UP AROUND HERE UNINVITED, GET ON THE COUCH, THE WALLS, THE CEILING, THE FRIDGE, THE DISHWASHER, THE CUPBOARDS, OR ESPECIALLY MY CRATE, AND EXPECT TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME!!!

This is MY house, Red Dot.  You got that?  

You know how I know you're a coward?  Every time I catch up to you on the couch, get myself into position to strike, and lunge for you, YOU MOVE!!!  What are you scared of, Red Dot? 

If you were a real dot you'd stick around for the party in my mouth.  That's right, there's a party in my mouth and YOU'RE INVITED.   No need to be frightened, I just want to swish you around in my mouth for a little bit and then spit you out.  I won't bite down on you, I swear.

Here, I'll get in my crate.  Nothing to be scared of.  Just gonna sit here until you show up.    

Waiting...

Still waiting....

Still wai- Ooh!  Match Game's on.  Oh man, this is awesome.  Right on time.  Got into my bed, and Match Game comes on. 

Oooh, and Richard Dawson's on this one.  It's not a real Match Game without Richard Dawson.  Oooh, here comes the question...

John the fisherman said, "I had a great day of fishing today.  I caught five ladyfish.  The trick is, instead of a worm on the hook, 

I used a ______.

Mmm.  Good question.  

Well, The Little One's a lady.  

What does The Little One like......what does The Little One liiiiiiiiike??  

Mmmmmm...

Oh, vacuum cleaner!  She likes the vacuum cleaner.  Ladies like vacuum cleaners.

Say vacuum cleaner, Barbara.  Vacuuuuuuuum  cleaner.  That's the one to go with.

Wait, or the washing machi-

There it is.  

Be patient, Molly....

No sudden movements....

Act like you're sleeping....

And then.....

Strike!!!

damnit.

[sigh]

Marf,

Molly