Saturday, August 15, 2009

He's back

Whew. Carry on.

Those who are still in search, abort. I repeat, abort.

The Big One is back. Expect more posts. The great depression is over.



Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Missing: The Big One

If anyone has any details, please email me at He was last seen being awesome and talking about studying to be a bartender (I assume that's what the bar exam means).



Monday, April 27, 2009

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

Pirates lose.  Why am I rooting for another team that will obviously break my heart?

No idea.

I think I'm depressed.

[sigh] Marf,


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Score Update!! Pirates may have won 3-1 after 6 innings!!!

In an apparent attempt to break the monotony of hanging out at home every night, The Little One and The Big One decided to take me to a baseball game.  

Great.  Thanks.

There were a bunch of dogs there.  Huge dogs.  I mean HUGE dogs.  

I didn't have my camera last night, so I had to do a google image search for these monsters.  Here they are:

The one on the right.

The one in front.

In case you forgot what I look like:

Yeah.  It was FAAAAANtastic.

We left the game early, which was fine with me.  But for the entire walk home The Big One kept going on and on about it being the Pirates' "year."

Poor guy.  I hadn't noticed that, in his own little way, by being a Pirates fan, The Big One was sort of a Browns fan.  He's had to deal with easily as many crappy Pirate teams as I have Browns teams.  

Once I realized this, all of my hatred for The Big One's Steeler fanaticism disappeared.  I had a new found respect for him.  

For the rest of the walk home I kept my respectful eyes solidly on The Big One, awaiting his next command, eager to show him I was on his side, while relieving myself every 50 steps or so.



Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I'm back

So, so sorry for the lack of communication in the last couple months.  You have no idea what it feels like as a Browns fan to watch the Steelers win another Super Bowl.  Now they have 6 Super Bowls, and we still haven't even been to the game.  

I'm just now coming out of my depression.  

I'm chalking all of this up to a learning experience.  No longer will I deal with my grief by relieving myself on The Big One's Steelers jersey.  No longer will I fake like I'm running into traffic just to give The Big One a heart attack.  No longer will I use my shedding powers for evil.

I'm back.  Let's do this.



PS - Over the last couple months, The Big One kept saying that if I kept it up he'd take me to a place where I can be put to sleep.  Not sure what that means, but it sounds relaxing.  I'd be interested in any reviews anyone has about this mysterious bed and breakfast.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Blah, blah, blah, The Super Bowl, blah, blah, blah...

Everyone in this city is just SOOOOOO excited that the Steelers are playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday.  

The Big One keeps asking me if I'm excited for the game.  He keeps asking me if I'm nervous about the Steelers' defense's ability to stop Larry Fitzpatrick, or whatever his name is.  He keeps asking me these things as if I'm a Steeler fan.

Let me tell you what I've been trying to tell him for over a year: I AM A BROWNS FAN.  

I was born in Youngstown, Ohio, right in the middle of Pittsburgh and Cleveland.   Anyone from Youngstown will tell you that half the residents are Pittsburgh fans and the other half are Cleveland fans.  Usually the factor that determines a Youngstowner's football loyalty is what team your father roots for.

Well I never met my father.  My mother told me that he was a pug named Beanie, but that's the only thing I know about him.  So I certainly don't know whether he's a Browns fan or a Steeler fan.  Although I suspect that he was brown, I've found that that isn't a reliable predictor of football team loyalty. 

So without the guidance of my deadbeat father, I turned to my mother, a beagle named Applesauce.   Mom liked the Browns because when she would watch them play on TV, she saw that dogs were not only allowed into the stadium, but a bunch of them had their own seats behind the "endzone."  She said they were called "The Dog Pound," and when the dog catcher catches a dog, and the dog can show that it's a Browns fan, that's where the dog catcher puts them- right in the football stadium, where dogs are free to drink beer, fight with other dogs, and throw batteries at the opposing team in peace.

That's all the information I needed.  I can only imagine where the dog catcher takes Steelers-fan dogs.  Probably to a Pirate game. 

So I'm a Browns fan.   I just need to convince The Big One of that.  If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears (no pun intended).  I'm afraid that until I can get that point across, I'm going to have to wear this every week:

Kill me.

Marf the Steelers,