Mark my words: I will destroy the Red Dot

You are GOING DOWN, Red Dot.  YOU ARE going down, Red Dot.  You are going down, RED DOT!!!!!

For 10 dog years our apartment has been infiltrated by a random, unpredictable menace.  Though it only shows up when The Big One is holding something he likes to call a "laser pointer," I can't figure out where the hell this thing comes from.

I am apparently the only one who can see it, it is my duty to teach this thing a little lesson.

YOU CANNOT JUST SHOW UP AROUND HERE UNINVITED, GET ON THE COUCH, THE WALLS, THE CEILING, THE FRIDGE, THE DISHWASHER, THE CUPBOARDS, OR ESPECIALLY MY CRATE, AND EXPECT TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME!!!

This is MY house, Red Dot.  You got that?  

You know how I know you're a coward?  Every time I catch up to you on the couch, get myself into position to strike, and lunge for you, YOU MOVE!!!  What are you scared of, Red Dot? 

If you were a real dot you'd stick around for the party in my mouth.  That's right, there's a party in my mouth and YOU'RE INVITED.   No need to be frightened, I just want to swish you around in my mouth for a little bit and then spit you out.  I won't bite down on you, I swear.

Here, I'll get in my crate.  Nothing to be scared of.  Just gonna sit here until you show up.    

Waiting...

Still waiting....

Still wai- Ooh!  Match Game's on.  Oh man, this is awesome.  Right on time.  Got into my bed, and Match Game comes on. 

Oooh, and Richard Dawson's on this one.  It's not a real Match Game without Richard Dawson.  Oooh, here comes the question...

John the fisherman said, "I had a great day of fishing today.  I caught five ladyfish.  The trick is, instead of a worm on the hook, 

I used a ______.

Mmm.  Good question.  

Well, The Little One's a lady.  

What does The Little One like......what does The Little One liiiiiiiiike??  

Mmmmmm...

Oh, vacuum cleaner!  She likes the vacuum cleaner.  Ladies like vacuum cleaners.

Say vacuum cleaner, Barbara.  Vacuuuuuuuum  cleaner.  That's the one to go with.

Wait, or the washing machi-

There it is.  

Be patient, Molly....

No sudden movements....

Act like you're sleeping....

And then.....

Strike!!!

damnit.

[sigh]

Marf,

Molly